We can't dream up what we never knew existed. Many of us were not even taught to dream, myself included. It was only at my first coach training weekend, where I had to make up a fake dream so to participate in the exercise, that I came face-to-face with this sorrow and loss. Three decades had passed and I never dreamed a dream. I never even knew that was a thing. "I don't even know how to dream," was a sobering realization.
I was never asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I didn't need to be asked because I already knew:
1. be the best money tree I could be (you shake it and money falls out, anytime, at all times, 24/7 like an abundant ATM machine),
2. be the best eldest son I could be (retire my parents in luxury and comfort and ensure my younger siblings' university tuition by age 25), and
3. be the best white man I could be (that was the only golden standard of success and enoughness).
Nothing more, nothing less. How hard could that be?
It is fascinating to grieve the loss of dreams, of dreams I never dream. Was it even a loss if I never had them in the first place? I learned from Brené Brown's Rising Strong training (and book) that the answer is yes. Grief is grief. Think of women who dreamed of biological motherhood but couldn't conceive. The loss of something we never had is real, grieving it is valid. Anything you're letting or not letting yourself grieve?
Thankfully, some losses can be reclaimed. People like me who were taught to be oxen, to work hard and plow fields with brute force can learn to put the whip down and grow fairy wings 🧚♀️ or a mermaid tail 🧜♀️. I eventually learned to dream again. Now, all I dream of is freedom... for you.
We can't dream up what we never knew existed. Now you know, there are 11 types of freedom. I'll go into each type in the coming weeks, more importantly on how recalibrate your mind, heart, body and soul to dissolve the barriers to freedom. Stay tuned, and as always, I welcome your feelings, no matter how gargantuan, in our Guide to Grace sanctuary. Even if it takes some time, I reply to every message of the heart that you send. 💖