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Last week, I wrote about a money memory exercise, where I listed every negative memory I've associated with money (usually, the lack of money). It was a deeper step toward understanding my relationship with money and why I impose a glass ceiling upon my own business.

I never expected an avalanche of negative money memories to flood out! Once I passed 22 memories, 20 more oozed out. Some were funny, some were mundane, some made me upset and some made me raging mad. And I don't rage. I'm not the kind of person who loses her lid...

 

 

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But when all was said and done, even though I didn't enjoy going into the recesses of my unconscious, it helped me spring clean my mind and see how I kept myself a victim. It helped me release blame, forgive all those involved, forgive myself for locking myself in that victim prison, and shed yet another onion layer of scarcity.

And guess what happened 2 days later? I got another $6,000 VIP client ;)

May this avalanche of 20 negative money memories snowball yours, so that you too can effortlessly manifest prosperity and peace in your heart.

  1. Mom did work she loved but got paid nothing. Dad did work he was good at but got paid little and worked like a horse. My inner child took away that… if you want to do work you love, you must not get paid, get paid poorly, or labor like a horse. It's the price to pay for enjoying what you do.
     
  2. Hemorrhaging money while overseas because I relocated half way across the world for my partner who used me. My inner child took away that… you are loved for your globetrotting skills, but you will never be taken care of. So if you want to feel secure, stable and protected, you've got to do it yourself.
     
  3. Watching a student peer win the speech contest because her family had money to hire a speech coach for her in college. My inner child took away that… if you want to get ahead in life, you must have rich parents. If you don't, you will never get ahead.
     
  4. Jealous that a fellow student could simply call her dad to put more money on her credit card so she can shop at Banana Republic. My inner child took away that… life is not fair.
     
  5. Not enjoying the dating process because it took up so much time, which siphoned time (ie money) from my business. My inner child took away that… you can have a successful career or love life, not both.
     
  6. Business partner spending more time on squeaky wheels that bring her no money, rather than spending time with me to massively monetize our project. My inner child took away that… because I'm so resourceful, I don't get any attention or support.
     
  7. Being asked why the townhouse I bought for my parents doesn't have a garage. Um, because you can't afford one! My inner child took away that… stop trying to please your parents, you will never, ever be good enough in their eyes.
     
  8. Always wishing that I had a secret rich uncle somewhere who would leave me a big inheritance. My inner child took away that… life is hard and unfair, period.
     
  9. Dad took my taxes to some incompetent fool with a desk in the hallway of Chinatown community center and screwed me over $7,000. Thank god I had the smarts to read the entire tax book and get that money adjusted and returned to me. My inner child took away that… take full responsibility for your money, no one will care about it as much as I do.
     
  10. I recall my first e-marketing project, what a joke, I totally undercharged by $50,000. My inner child took away that… desperation will make us do crazy, crazy things.
     
  11. Paying $150 for a hotel room away from my partner so I can do an interview in peace and quiet and get out of there fast! My inner child took away that… I didn't feel safe in my own home and had zero self-worth to chose such a lowly partner.
     
  12. Wasting my time coaching pro bono. Clients didn't get results and I got resentful. My inner child took away that… I have no self-worth.
     
  13. Huddling my little brothers in the play room while my parents have a shouting match about owing lots of money to both sets of grandparents. My inner child took away that… money causes fights, so don't have any.
     
  14. All the yuckiness that went on behind the scenes around grandma's money. My inner child took away that… if you don't have money, you won't have conflicts, so lack of money = inner peace. (<-- how f***ed is that?!?)
     
  15. The shame of having bled all my accounts dry, with only $735 left to my name. My inner child took away that… there can only be up from rock-bottom.
     
  16. Denying myself a rental car when I have multiple big packages on a pouring rain day. My inner child took away that… I am recreating mom's suffering and victimhood.
     
  17. Envy at school friend's only-child status, with unlimited funds and everything she ever wanted, whenever she wanted it. My inner child took away that… because you don't have rich parents, you will never have everything you want, whenever you want it.
     
  18. Being called "money tree" as a term of endearment as a child, ie you shake it and money falls from the tree. My inner child took away that… I was born to fund my parents' retirement. Full stop.
     
  19. Succeeding at school to earn scholarships as the only means of attending university and losing ALL my friends as a result. My inner child took away that… I shouldn't be too bright or too great, or I'll lose all my friends again.
     
  20. For years, I had to manage my parents online bank accounts and bill payments. My inner child took away that… life is not meant to be enjoyed, it's meant to serve others regardless of what you want.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, every cell in my body wants to strangle this little inner child. What a screwed up view on life. Thank the heavens I'm not a violent person who has outbursts of anger or this little inner child would already be dead. My wish for you is to consciously choose to walk into the muck, so you can come out the outer side shiny and new, prosperous and true to you.

With love,

Ella

 

What now?

  • Like this blog if it resonated with you
  • Share in the comments one money memory that you did not expect to have

Thank you for being a lone nut, a leader, and a friend! <3

With infinite grace, freedom on!

xo, Ella

Ellany LeaAUTHOR • Hi! I'm Ella, founder of Guide to Grace. I invite you to join us for an exquisite freedom at the intersection of: entrepreneurship, enlightenment, and enchantment.