Greetings from Seoul, Korea!
Before I indulge on how every corner of Seoul smells of delicious food, I wanted to tell you about my last night in Tokyo, and how it was such a metaphor for cultivating wealth.
Buy experiences, not things. Indonesia 2015 © Ellany Lea
Me Jane. Me caught fish.
I google "weirdest things to do in Tokyo" and found Zauo, a restaurant where you can catch your own dinner. I made a reservation for 1. The old me would have sobbed at how I had let my parents (and my culture) down because I wasn't married, didn't have 2.5 kids and didn't retire my parents by my 25th birthday! How dare you traipsed off to globetrot the world, you may have put a down-payment on your parents' townhouse, but you haven't bought them the castle you were supposed to!
Give a man to fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll open a restaurant and charge you to catch your own fish.
The new me only had one thought in mind: "Me Jane. Me caught fish." And I laughed myself silly all the way to the restaurant, visualizing the fun I'd have. #easilyamused
I was lead to the best seat in the house, at the highest point of the boat (of course) because today, I am a powerful manifester of miracles and good fortune. It wasn't always the case. For a long time, I cried myself to sleep for months on end. I'm sure I was clinically depressed, just never officially tested. Everything that could go wrong, would go wrong. And being an overachiever, I fixed it all, patched it up, shoved it into the dark corners of the closet, put on a smile, and moved on.
It's no surprise that every time a skeleton fell out of the closet and I shoved it back in, I developed symptoms of carpel tunnel, eczema, adrenal fatigue, depression, anxiety and heightened OCD. And it's no surprise that every time I yanked the skeleton by the wrist, sat it down on my couch, had a heart to heart with it (with the aid of a coach or counselor), the skeleton would fade away, my income would increase, my expenses would decrease, my savings would increase, an investment opportunity would come my way, and my wealth would soar.
Ok, I will fishing enjoy. I mean, "enjoy". #igirisu Men, I'm so thrilled you have each other to go fishing with. Having to catch my own dinner makes me feel like Jane, not Tarzan. Please don't take me fishing unless it's you fishing and me reading a book. Thank you. Namaste. #citygirl #patienceisavirtue #readingaddict #tokyo
As an aside: I don't have it all figured out, but this I know for sure: I am proud of myself; I never numbed out with drugs (prescription or over the counter), I never resorted to surgery (even though my doctor highly recommended it) and I used food, mantras, Antigravity Yoga, and Network Spinal Analysis to heal myself. And this is my wish for you too. A lot less expensive than drugs and/or surgery! Thus, more wealth.
But what if I don't catch anything...
As soon as I sat down at Zauo, the waitress asked if I wanted to order from the menu or catch my own fish. My first thought was, "But what if I don't catch anything..." I paused and a surge of anger prickled the front, then the back of my neck. I've been keeping a gratitude journal since 1999 (3 entries/day for 17 years = 18,615 entries) to rewire my brain toward positivity, optimism and hope.
And in one moment, all of it went into the crapper. You mean to say that 17 years of mind training amounted to NOTHING?!? My first thought was STILL of failure, before I even tried?!? <insert Pixar's Inside Out Anger character pushing full throttle and losing his shit>
To calm myself down, I pulled out my phone to look at the photo instructions I'd taken before walking in to the restaurant. And step 3 particularly stood out: Dance of joy.
I chuckled, then one tear welled up in my eye, and I laughed at how ridiculous I was being. I'm in freakin' Tokyo, Japan! A place I've dreamed of visiting since I was 17. It's country #47 on my life's quest to visit every country in the world. I'm on an Exquisite Freedom world tour around the world, liberating overachievers and gifted adults from themselves. I've overcome trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma. I've freed myself and my clients from guilt, overwhelm, deadly perfectionism, low self-worth, low self-respect, the 9-9 entrepreneurial hamster wheel they've created, from loveless relationships, and more!
Crying over spilled fish
I was literally crying over spilled fish.
So. I decided to Dance of Joy, even before I caught the fish. I grabbed a rod, acknowledged that I'm a city girl and whatever happens, I'm still a good person and not an utter failure. I spent 15min finessing the wire so the hook would point toward the fish's bottom lip. I thanked the heavens that men have each other to go fishing with, so they don't have to drag me fishing. There's a reason why women don't gather to go fishing and I'm no exception to that reason.
And another 15min later, I said, "F*** it!" I checked out. I stood there watching the children play, the tourists splashing around and within 2min, I shouted and jumped out of my skin because my rod was trembling. I screamed so loudly that the waitress came over and took it all off my hands. Lol! Yup, still a city girl, through and through.
Fish. Clients. Same thing. When you try meticulously to bait them, nothing comes, you get frustrated and you end up hungry. But when you focus your heart, your eyes, and your mind on higher vibration things like family, travel, laughter, play, the fishies naturally come to you... and quickly too! Duh, Ella. Duh.
Size doesn't matter
With all that flailing and flapping and splashing around, I thought I had caught a big fish.
When it came to my table, it was actually this size:
Looks can be deceiving. And perspective plays a big role. In my coaching practice, I'm queen of my Universe. Next to Oprah, I am a chia seed. So what! Every mighty oak once started as a seedling. I know I could have been an even greater success and impacted even more lives. But I was busy co-parenting my siblings, parenting my parents, doing the family budget and taxes at 14, making sure I could retire myself AND my parents, overriding my introversion and high sensitivity, overriding my gender, overriding my skin color, overriding my nationality, overriding my age, overriding my industry, overriding my scanner personality, practicing holistic methods of healing and stress reduction, making lifelong soul-sister best friends, reading a book a week, traveling 47 countries, holding my bestfriends after their breakups and divorces, coaching my clients through the toughest periods of their lives, chasing certain people whom I'd never catch. Yeah, I've been a busy bee. It's no wonder I haven't taken over the world. Yet.
So back to the fish: size doesn't matter. Perspective matters. How you look at the same exact thing matters.
I've got six-figure clients who come to me for inner wealth coaching. They may be rich, but I can guarantee you that none of them are happy, fulfilled and free. They may be happy with the money they're making, but they're definitely not free. What to do about it? Post-its, lotsa lotsa post-its (more below).
Travel Fail, but Olympian Style
I never knew asking for help was a leadership skill. I never used to ask for help. I thought it was a sign of weakness. I was raised to be hyper-independent and hyper-self-sufficient. When I realized not asking for help was blocking my business prosperity, I still didn't ask for help...
- Because I didn't know how, it's not a muscle I've ever used, it's not something I've ever done. I'm pretty sure I potty trained myself and taught myself to use a spoon.
- When I realized that asking for help is a muscle that CAN be trained, I still didn't ask for help because I didn't know how to receive it. My brain and body didn't know how to process that unknown neural process. If you complimented me or gave me something, I'd stand there like a deer in headlights not knowing how to process that. What do I do now?
- When I did learn to receive, it hurt. A lot. It hurt to realize that I, and I alone, was the titanium barrier to so much love, support and championing. And I painfully realized that I didn't ask for help because I didn't feel worthy of love, support and championing.
- Eventually, thanks to multiple coaches and Brené Brown, I overcame my lack of self-worth. It hurt. A lot. It hurt to realize that I had NO self-worth. It wasn't LOW self-worth. It was NO self-worth. But I still didn't ask for help because even though I felt worthy of help, I didn't feel like I had given YOU enough help before I could ask for help.
- Lately, when I had given enough help to ask for it, it was so challenging to articulate what I actually wanted to ask, what I actually needed.
So you see, asking for help is so multi-tiered. I know you can relate. I will give you the secret formula to asking for help as soon as I have it. Until then, maybe you can tell me how you go about asking for help, receiving it, and knowing you're worthy of it...
But I did ask for help...
So I practiced my leadership skills of asking for help. At Tokyo station, I asked 3 different officers if I was taking the express train to Narita airport. I'd given myself ample time. Half-way through, even though it said "Rapid" train, I had somehow ended up on the local train :( Travel Fail! So by my estimates, I'd arrive at the airport at 11am and my international flight to Korea was at 11:35am. Yeah...
So what did I do? I pretended to be an Olympian. I closed my eyes, and visualized the train door opening right at the elevator. I visualized the elevator leading straight to empty check-in counters. I visualized 3 people in front of me at immigration (gotta keep it real, right?). I visualized a very short queue at security with no babies. And I visualized my gate to be the first gate after security.
Most people would call me airy fairy ridiculous. I call myself an Olympic champion because:
The train door opened at 11:02am right at the escalator (close enough to an elevator). The check-in counters were immediately to my right and they were empty (duh, I was the last one to check-in). There were 2 (not 3) people in front of me at immigration (booya! better than I visualized). There was a very short queue at security, without babies! And my gate was, indeed, the first gate after security. Tada! 10.0 perfect dismount! And I've never been to this airport before.
But... not before I was told my luggage was overweight, which NEVER happens. I had to go to the ATM to withdraw cash, the ATM only gave me massive bills, I paid the overweight luggage in cash, and was delayed at security over my toiletries which is neither liquid nor cream nor gel. It's powder, lady. Leave it alone. It says so on the label. Hands off! She wanted me to go to the pharmacy to buy ziplock bags. Ha! But I still made my flight :D
They're not kidding about the power of visualization. About staying grounded in your belief that you WILL make it. No matter what. No matter time. No matter space. No matter anything. No matter anyone.
I'm a realist, I expect miracles.
So seeing on paper what you have already overcome and achieved is such a massive key to building more success and wealth. If you don't celebrate what you've already accomplished, why in the world would the Universe give you more?!? It goes back to Dance of Joy. Once you've caught your fish, you MUST Dance of Joy. Every time. Not just once or twice. E-v-e-r-y t-i-m-e!
- Create your post-it celebration wall: grab 50 (or 100 for you keeners like me) post-its. Put a checkmark on each of them. write 1 achievement per post-it, from experiences you've had, goals you've achieved, people you've met to growth you're proud of and hardships you've overcome, all of the above!
- Then share it with our community of overachievers on our Post-it Celebration Wall (which Becca cleverly called a Reverse Bucket List)
- Let us celebrate YOU. I grant you, today and every day, the #freedomtobrag and celebrate all that you are and all that you have achieved!
Thank you for being a lone nut, a leader, and a friend! <3