Through computer science classes, I fell in love with game design and animation. I loved making it, I loved playing it. I lost all sense of time and space creating the flowchart, story board, visual design, user interface, the thousands of lines of code to give life to every adventure.
(I'm kinda surprised I never went into animation or game design... Then again, I'm not surprised. Life knows where to take me, whether I want to go or not.)
Give me a chirping dial-up modem and Netscape 4.0 and I transferred that passion and talent to website development. I made websites just because, out of pure creativity and joy. Then people started paying me for it. Who knew that would happen?!?
I could program from 5pm, when I got home from school, until 2am without batting an eyelash. Ah to be young! I was so enthralled by how English alphabets and a few math symbols strung together could create commands that accomplished actually useful tasks, graphic design, and even animation.
I even invented my own full-length animated computer game. Give me a Pentium I and Basic and I'll immerse you in a world of wonder and childhood glee with my game called "<YourFirstName> Phone Home". You're a chubby little alien trying to outrun "Men in Black" in corn fields. You have to win at Blackjack to collect parts to repair your spaceship. And with a joystick you have to 'pew-pew' shoot down enemy spaceships to return home.
God I loved that game, it's probably one of my favorite creations of all time. Even with all the answers to unlock each level, it'd take me about 6 hours to finish the whole game. So for a regular player, it might take weeks or months to play.
Letting Go / Walking Away
But I let it all go. My pediatrician (yes, I was still under legal age) warned me multiple times of my spinal curvature that would eventually lead to scoliosis, due to long hours hunched over the computer. Though my mind, heart and soul loved the virtual world of creating functions and animation, my body did not.
Eventually, the chronic spasms between my shoulder blades, coupled with an insane academic workload, extracurricular classes, and volunteer activities, forced me to stop programming.
Fears / Emotional Rumble
Fear of not being able to save up enough money to retire my parents and pay my younger siblings tuition, while saving for my own university tuition and retirement (This is what a 15 year old spent sleepless nights worrying about, sigh...)
Tug of war between settling down (or you could use the term settling for) as a work ox at the tender age of 15 vs. graduating high school and university (which no woman in my lineage on either side of my family had done) to explore all that the world had to offer (before I settled down as a work ox)
Why aren't you producing more websites?
Your parents aren't getting any younger.
Why can't you churn out websites faster?
It's your duty as the eldest son to provide for the family
Since you unfortnately came out a daughter, you must produce 10X more to compensate for your lack. You are not enough until you do.
Unfolding Destiny / Lessons
Grit: 2/10 | Grace: 7/10
At that time, I had no idea the $100,000 I'd be investing in healing arts, therapy, counseling, coaching, leadership, and spirituality to grieve for the loss of my childhood and teenage hood. Everyone else was playing, partying or exploring their interests.
I was like a cash crop, a money tree, where you shake it vigorously and it's supposed to yield money. But you know what, there does come a day when forgiveness sets in completely, grief ends completely, and the past vanishes completely.
Who knew that the very path that caused me such wounds, loss and such grief was the same path that lead to my healing, empowerment and liberation. It's the same path, which keeps converging in a spiral toward a central point of our unfolding destiny. Who knew?!? I obviously had no clue any of this was happening.
What I learned is that turning a passion into a job is often like pouring water over a camp fire. Most of the time, the initial passion fizzles out. But to my own surprise, my greatest lesson and takeaway from this career re-invention is not profession related, but forgiveness related.
My parents did nothing wrong, they did the very best they could. Forgiveness was never toward them, but toward Culture (with a capital C) that indoctrinated them and everyone around me to abide by "cash crop" treatment of their children. Forgiveness was toward my own soul, for choosing this life, for coming to Earth. Yeah. Phew! Who knew?!?
Sacred Brand Archetypes
Back then, I viewed my role as championing the underdog, showcasing their talent to the world, at an affordable rate, so that the "little people" felt like they mattered.
It'd be another 21 years before I fully comprehended the nature of our soul, which is to express itself organically, regardless of egoic control. Here, my soul expressed itself through the Sacred Brand Archetypes of Heroine (primary) and Humanitarian (secondary). Who knew?!?
In this series...
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Computer Teacher (Part 1/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Web Developer (Part 2/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as an Industrial Machinist (Part 3/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Banking Officer (Part 4/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as an Aerospace Engineer (Part 5/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as an Energy Researcher (Part 6/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Systems Designer (Part 7/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as an International Aid Worker (Part 8/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Global E-Strategist (Part 9/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a United Nations Consultant (Part 10/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Web Design Agency (Part 11/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Success Coach (Part 12/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Wealth Mentor (Part 13/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as an Aerial Yoga Studio (Part 14/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Psychotherapist (Part 15/16)
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Spiritual Guide (Part 16/16)