To suckle the peace of karmic completion
My Opportestiny™
My Adventures of Opportunity + Test + Test + Test + Test + Test + Test + Test + Destiny
Whatever pain you can’t get rid of, make it your creative offering.
– SUSAN CAIN
This is my creative offering...
Opportestiny™
3 MIN TEASER
4 Types of Knowing
28 MIN TALK
Kintsugi (金継ぎ) is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with seams of gold.
It honors each fragment's story and breathes new life into a once broken, now original vessel.
4 Stages of Opportestiny™
This is a story of human kintsugi, of mending my Humpty Dumpty self back together again to suckle the nectar of karmic completion. Craughing guaranteed.
STAGE 1
The Smashing
Smash my 12 Wounded Children and 12 Wounded Adults into shards
STAGE 4
The Integration
"Ella, you were never the shards. You are the gold that mends."
Mind-Knowing
🧠
Learned conceptual understanding
Heart-Knowing
💖
Felt emotional comprehension
Body-Knowing
👣
Lived visceral experience
Soul-Knowing
⭐️
Re-membered universal truth
Only in the fever of creation could she recreate her own lost life.
– Anaïs Nin
+ 12 Universal Smashings • Loss of Peace, Time, Joy, Prosperity, Freedom, Trust in goodness of Life, Trust in the Sapiens, Needs, Right to feel, Ability to emote, Embodiment, Thriving
7
Small T's
From developmental arrest and/or neglect traumas
16.5
Big T's
From acute and/or event-based traumas
10
Chronic T's
From repeated and/or prolonged traumas
13
Complex T's
From comorbidity of Small, Big and Chronic traumas
9
Intergen T's
From intergenerational, inherited and/or secondary traumas
11
Pre 6 years old T's
From "you're f*cked for a long time, but there's hope" traumas
10
Pre 3 years old T's
From "you're scared for life, but not f*cked for life" traumas
CAUSE OF DEATH
Human curelty, stunting, and dumbassery
MANNER OF DEATH
Chronically treated as object*, animal†, and culprit‡
* ATM, sheath, doormat, machete target
† Scapegoat, sacrificial lamb, alley dog, sitting duck
‡ Atlas, Sisyphus
CORONER'S REMARKS
Incarnation to Earth was a bad, bad idea
Note • Report does not include day-to-day micro-aggressions and micro-assaults that don't "count" as traumas. Sigh.
Grieve. Thoroughly. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
– Rumi / Altered by Ellany Lea /
Alchemy of Grief into Glory
This is what came round in my other form... all self funded, zero loans, zero credit cards. ⤵︎
131 Countries
Exquisite Fulfillment
Spiritual Intelligence
Ageless Joy + Vitality
10 Types of Freedom
16 Career Reinventions
Woes and Zeros
On odd days, I wake up wondering, "How am I even still alive, no less at peace in joy?" On even days, I wake up grunting, "Aww crap. Still here."
Given a history of woes and zeroes, if I wrote my whole story to my whole Self, could I be freed from this koan?
Woes
Giftedivergent
CPTSD
ME/CFS/CDR
MCAS
MDD
BPI
Woes
SOS
4S
EDS
MCSS
GAD
PE
Woes
POTS
OCD/UM
CIRS
ARDS
CTD
GB
Zeros
Alcohol
Coffee
"Love"/Sex Addiction
Inpatient
Born with
0 white privilege
0 male privilege
0 connections
0 inheritance
0 trust fund
0 business DNA
Zeros
Drugs
Smoking
Shopping/Tech Addiction
Outpatient
Grew Up with
0 help raising parents + siblings
0 guidance
0 protection
0 nurturance
0 music
0 athletics
0 person to have my back
Zeros
Rx pharma
Eating Disorder
Divorce
Police Record
Survived with
0 financial aid
0 parent to pay for college
0 partner to cover my bills
0 alimony
0 court settlement
0 person to nurse me back to health
There is no greater agony than
bearing an untold story inside you.
– Maya Angelou
Absorbed Identities
I am not enough.
I am a debt.
I am spare parts.
also known as
Parentified Child
loss / death of
Innocence
Grew Up Into
The Skyholder
Primary Smashing Story
Missing 1% Chronic T
Secondary Smashing Stories
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
Vanishing school bus Big T Pre 6
Toilet water bullies Chronic T
Blue screen of death Chronic T Money T
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3 Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3 Money T
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all adult deficiencies.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to parentification.
Absorbed Identities
I am worthless.
I am garbage.
I am unlovable.
also known as
Garbage Girl
loss / death of
Worth
Grew Up Into
The Wild Woman
Primary Smashing Story
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
Secondary Smashing Stories
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
Vanishing school bus Big T Pre 6
Phone tape guts Big T Pre 3 Intergen T
Potato fingers Big T
Someone you know Big T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all gender inequality.
Stress Response
Flight
Trauma Response
Fawn
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to being born on Earth.
Absorbed Identities
I don't do enough.
I am incompetent.
I can't win.
also known as
Money Tree
ATM Dispenser
loss / death of
Self-esteem
Grew Up Into
The Overachiever
Primary Smashing Story
Cheque kneeling Chronic T Money T
Secondary Smashing Stories
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
Hallway holes Big T Pre 6
Launch funeral Big T Money T
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T Money T
Matchbox sparks Big T Money T
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human stunting.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to objectification and exploitation.
Absorbed Identities
I am too needy.
I am a bother.
It's best if I'm gone.
also known as
Another Mouth to Feed
loss / death of
Appetite for life
Grew Up Into
The Death Wisher
Primary Smashing Story
Hallway holes Big T Pre 6
Secondary Smashing Stories
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
Garbage bag windows Small t
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human scarcity.
Stress Response
Flight
Trauma Response
Freeze
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to intergenerational poverty.
Absorbed Identities
I am helpless.
I am unsupported.
I am hopeless.
also known as
Victim
loss / death of
Self-compassion
Grew Up Into
The Mystic
Primary Smashing Story
Disposable canary Complex T
Secondary Smashing Stories
Phone tape guts Big T Pre 3
Greatness cancellation Big T
Neck yank Big T Pre 3
YWCA brass knob Big T Pre 3
Hallway holes Big T Pre 6
Stolen Pentium Big T
Potato fingers Big T
Someone you know Big T
Launch funeral Big T Money T
Fraud and Frauder Big T Money T
9 schools in 12 yearsChronic T Pre 6
Chintok name massacre Chronic T
Balkans bullies Chronic T
Toilet water bullies Chronic T
Shush net Chronic T
Blue screen of death Chronic T Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human cruelty.
Stress Response
Freeze
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to suppression and siphon.
Absorbed Identities
I am unwanted.
I am alone.
I am dumped.
also known as
Orphan
Starseed
loss / death of
Nurturance
Grew Up Into
The Empath
Primary Smashing Story
Crib expulsion Pre 6
Secondary Smashing Stories
Phone tape guts Big T Pre 3
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3Money T
Neck yank Big T Pre 3
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
Greatness cancellation Big T
Potato fingers Big T
Balkans bullies Chronic T
Blue screen of death Chronic T Money T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human primitiveness.
Stress Response
Freeze
Trauma Response
Fawn
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to dumpage on Earth.
Absorbed Identities
I don't matter.
I am not important.
I am irrelevant.
also known as
Wallpaper
loss / death of
Relevance
Grew Up Into
The Moon Dragon
Primary Smashing Story
Vanishing school bus Big T Pre 6
Secondary Smashing Stories
Greatness cancellation Big T
Stolen Pentium Big T
Toilet water bullies Chronic T
Chintok name massacre Chronic T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human unconsciousness.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Freeze
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to insignificance.
Absorbed Identities
I am too intense.
I am too difficult.
I am crazy.
also known as
Gifted Child
Target Practice
loss / death of
Self-trust
Grew Up Into
The Fire Phoenix
Primary Smashing Story
Toilet water bullies Chronic T
Secondary Smashing Stories
Hallway holes Big T Pre 6
Greatness cancellation Big T
Stolen Pentium Big T
Balkans bullies Chronic T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human ignorance.
Stress Response
Flight
Trauma Response
Freeze
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to bullying and smart shaming.
Absorbed Identities
I am unprotected.
I am in danger.
I am unsafe.
also known as
Sitting Duck
loss / death of
Safety
Grew Up Into
The Ouroboros
Primary Smashing Story
Phone tape guts Big T Pre 3
Secondary Smashing Stories
YWCA brass knob Big T Pre 3
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
Potato fingers Big T
Someone you know Big T
Greatness cancellation Big T
Garbage bag windows Small t
Vanishing school bus Big T Pre 6
Stolen Pentium Big T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T 💰 PTSD
Basement gang Big T
Steel toe boots Big T
Fraud and Frauder Big T 💰 PTSD
Co-signer con Big T 💰 PTSD
9 schools in 12 yearsChronic T Pre 6
Chintok name massacre Chronic T
Balkans bullies Chronic T
Toilet water bullies Chronic T
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T 💰 PTSD
Shush net Chronic T
Blue screen of death Chronic T 💰 PTSD
Matchbox sparks Big T Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human betrayal.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Freeze
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to soul murder.
Absorbed Identities
I am too different.
I don't belong.
I am a reject.
also known as
Black Sheep
loss / death of
Belonging
Grew Up Into
The Polymath
Primary Smashing Story
9 schools in 12 yearsChronic T Pre 6
Secondary Smashing Stories
Phone tape guts Big TPre 3Intergen T
Vanishing school bus Big TPre 6
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
Greatness cancellation Big T
Launch funeral Big TMoney T
Chintok name massacre Chronic T
Balkans bullies Chronic T
Toilet water bullies Chronic T
Spiritual kamikazes Complex TPre 3Money T
Defective thing Complex TPre 6
Nausea crossing Chronic TPre 3Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic TPre 3Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic TPre 3Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic TPre 3Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human fracture.
Stress Response
Freeze
Trauma Response
Fawn
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to stracization.
Absorbed Identities
I am invalid.
I am wrong.
I am unacceptable.
also known as
Scapegoat
Sinner
loss / death of
Validity
Grew Up Into
The Immigrant
Primary Smashing Story
Machete target practice Complex T Pre 6
Secondary Smashing Stories
Greatness cancellation Big T
Hallway holes Big T Pre 6
Garbage bag windows Small t
Chintok name massacre Chronic T
Balkans bullies Chronic T
Toilet water bullies hronic T
Stolen Pentium Big T
Blue screen of death Chronic T Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Defective thing Complex T Pre 6
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human smallness.
Stress Response
Flight
Trauma Response
Fawn
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to be blame landfill.
Absorbed Identities
I don't have.
I am poor.
I am siphoned.
also known as
Alley Dog
loss / death of
Deservingness
Grew Up Into
The Freedompreneur
Primary Smashing Story
No fishies for you Small t Pre 6
Secondary Smashing Stories
Co-signer con Big T Money T
YWCA brass knob Big T Pre 3
Vanishing school bus Big T Pre 6
Crib expulsion Small t Pre 6
Hallway holes Big T Pre 6
Stolen Pentium Big T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T Money T
Blue screen of death Chronic T Money T
Matchbox sparks Big T Money T
iPhone watery grave Big T Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
River dump girl Complex T Pre 3
Disposable canary Complex T Pre 6 Money T
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Nausea crossing Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Train platform hunt Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Diaper bracelet Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Unacceptable passport Chronic T Pre 3 Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate for all human greed.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to WWII refugee displacement.
The first forty years of childhood are the hardest.
Conditioned Identities
All will die if I drop the sky.
It's all on me forever.
I am crushed but no one cares.
also known as
Atlas
Single Parent
Slave Captain
loss / death of
Childhood
Grew Up From
The Insufficient Child
Primary Smashing Story
iPhone watery grave Big T Money T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Insufficient Child's smashings)
Stolen Pentium Big T
Launch funeral Big T Money T Intergen T
Fraud and Frauder Big T Money T
Co-signer con Big T Money T
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T Money T
Shush net Chronic T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by being everything to everyone everytime.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to enslavement.
Conditioned Identities
My only value is my utility to others.
Stay small, silent and sweet.
Suppress my instincts.
also known as
Sheath
loss / death of
Dignity
Grew Up From
The Disposable Child
Primary Smashing Story
Shush net Chronic T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Disposable Child's smashings)
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3 Money T
Greatness cancellation Big T
Matchbox sparks Big T Money T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Basement gang Big T
Fraud and Frauder Big T Money T
Co-signer con Big T Money T
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T Money T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by becoming the best white man I can be.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to pillaging.
Conditioned Identities
I am only valid if I achieve the impossible.
Please + produce + perform + perfect, or perish.
I am never superhuman enough.
also known as
Sisyphus
loss / death of
Humaneness
Grew Up From
The Failure Child
Primary Smashing Story
Launch funeral Big T Money T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Failure Child's smashings)
Stolen Pentium Big T
Greatness cancellation Big T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Fraud and Frauder Big T Money T
Co-signer con Big T Money T
Steel toe boots Big T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by climbing Everest during an avalanche.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Flight
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to being self-emaciating overcompensation.
Conditioned Identities
I am nothing.
There is no point.
Earth is hell.
also known as
Call of the Void
"SI"
loss / death of
Will to live
Grew Up From
The Burden Child
Primary Smashing Story
Blue screen of death Chronic T Money T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Burden Child's smashings)
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3Money T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Basement gang Big T
Fraud and Frauder Big T Money T
Co-signer con Big T Money T
Steel toe boots Big T
Baby co-parent Complex T Pre 6Money T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
iPhone watery grave Big T Money T
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by joining the walking dead.
Stress Response
Flight
Trauma Response
Freeze
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to be a Homo sapiens.
Conditioned Identities
I bare humanity's pain.
“Conceal it, don’t feel it, don’t let it show.”
I am banished underground.
also known as
Chiron
Sagittarius
loss / death of
Genius
Grew Up From
The Powerless Child
Primary Smashing Story
Steel toe boots Big T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Powerless Child's smashings)
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3Money T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Matchbox sparks Big T Money T
iPhone watery grave Big T Money T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by inducing soul coma, heart armour, and body cloister.
Stress Response
Fawn
Trauma Response
Freeze
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to witch burning.
Conditioned Identities
I am no one.
I am not allowed to exist.
Disappear to avoid persecution.
also known as
Canary
Martyr
Collateral Damage
loss / death of
Identity
Grew Up From
The Abandoned Child
Primary Smashing Story
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T Money T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Abandoned Child'ssmashings)
Stolen Pentium Big T
Someone you know Big T
Launch funeral Big T Money T
Basement gang Big T
Steel toe boots Big T
Shush net Chronic T
Matchbox sparks Big T Money T
IPhone watery grave Big T Money T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by throwing myself on the fire to keep them warm.
Stress Response
Freeze
Trauma Response
Fawn
Stripped Consent
I did not consent to being sacrificial lamb.
Conditioned Identities
It’s a sin to shine.
My job is to vanish into the background.
I must shut down my Knowing.
also known as
Yin Power
loss / death of
Radiance
Grew Up From
The Invisible Child
Primary Smashing Story
Plugs in the socket Complex T Pre 6Money T
Secondary Smashing Stories
(Includes all the Invisible Child's smashings)
Spiritual kamikazes Complex T Pre 3Money T
Dump trucks paralysis Big T Money T
Potato fingers Big T
Someone you know Big T
Launch funeral Big T Money T
Basement gang Big T
Steel toe boots Big T
Gaslighting ballet Chronic T Money T
Shush net Chronic T
ATM dispenser Complex T Pre 3Money T
Mass grave skulls Small t Intergen T
Overcompensation Belief
I must overcompensate by fading to extinction.