Grief / Letting go

You cannot find what you don’t know you lost. Was it even a loss if you never had it in the first place, such as worth, belonging, or childhood? A Grief Autopsy dissects ambiguous grief hands on. If you don't let your past die, it won't let you live.

Ever since I was little, I was called a "money tree." You shake it and money is supposed to fall out. It wasn't until I realized the insidious role of "filial piety" that I understood what drives overachievers and children of immigrants to burnout.

Will I ever be ok? In this cruel, harsh world? Can I even trust my memories? Or lack thereof? What's real and not real anymore? Isn't healing supposed to restore my energy, not drain it?

I spent months uneasy with the diagnosis of PTSD. In my ego-construct, PTSD was exclusively reserved for war veterans, refugees, and car crash and assault victims. It turns out, shame had me believe that I wasn't worthy of the PTSD diagnosis, ie of its healing...

Ever come home from school with a 99% and had your Asian parent ask you where the 1% went? How about coming home with 109% and still being asked there the 1% went. When the voice of "You're not enough!" are internalized, it turns to shame. Then under the magnifying glass of filial piety, it turns to self-hatred.

When I updated this blog series from 2017 in 2021, I realized that 28 of those original 36 memories had vanished. Even under hypnotherapy, I wouldn't have remembered them. They no longer carried any emotional charge. And that is what I call freedom!

Asking an overachiever to be patient is is like asking a bowling ball to float. Because we are super-doers, we think we can out-do the Universe. Ha! Purging negative memories is a journey of healing, forgiveness and surrendering to the grand unfolding of our lives.

An emotionally charged money incident can scar or even traumatize a child. Just because our body has aged chronologically, it doesn't mean that inner child has recovered. How do we unwire and rewire our fear and scarcity circuitries?

With every client who has money gremlins, we do a "Negative Money Memory Purge." It helps pull whatever guilt, hurt, shame, anxiety, or fear associated with money out of their psyche. Then we burn the paper(s) 🔥 to free the mind, heart and body.

Who knew that "failing" at a ropes course would lead to my hyperachiever saboteur's RIP funeral. And the moment my feet touched the ground, a lightning bolt of truth shot through the back of my head, neck and shoulder blades, “How have I never mattered before? How is this the first time?”

I once went sunset paddle boarding off the pristine beaches of Boracay, in the Philippines. I had my shiny new iPhone sealed in a high grade water proof case, clipped around my neck. As I was mesmerized by the sunset, I felt like a dip so jumped into the ocean for a swim...

I had decided to celebrate my semi-retirement at 33 with an Exquisite Freedom Tour: 16 countries in 16 weeks, to visit besties, clients and fans around the world so that I could select my next home base....