5 Attempts at Sharing Ayahuasca Higher Consciousness Experience

I don't drink alcohol. Ever. I don't drink coffee. Ever. I've never smoked a thing in my life. Other than prescription pain killers after removing my wisdom teeth, I still only use children's ibuprofen, for sports injuries once or twice a year.

So for me to be lead to plant medicines, which I had never even heard of 6 months prior, divine intervention was definitely at play. Never did I ever imagine that I'd sign up for a 3-moon 100k/10/98 retreat:

  • 4 days, 3 nights, 3 Aya ceremonies,
  • next full moon: 4 days, 3 nights, 3 Aya ceremonies,
  • next full moon: 4 days, 3 nights, 3 Aya ceremonies.

Hey, if I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it all it, full out!

I specifically chose my entheogen retreats in a psychotherapeutic context, with extensive group debriefs with trained psychotherapists. It wasn’t to get high. My life was more than high enough.

I wanted deep, permanent healing and vast, permanent freedom... from the past [link to self-hatred blog], from my traumas [link to passive trauma blog], from filial piety [link to bog] and patriarchy [link to blog].

There are no words (yet) to describe the experience...

Ayahuasca In Words • Attempt no. 1

Ayahuasca In Words • Attempt no. 2


But where I was the clock...

Ayahuasca In Words • Attempt no. 3

Ayahuasca In Words • Attempt no. 4

... as if the plant medicine fried my self-harming circuits and the urge to touch the cupcake was gone.

Ayahuasca In Words • Attempt no. 5


First day home, post-retreat, I kept having aha moments every 4-6 minutes. I couldn't stop them, nor did I want to. A week later, the inundation of aha moments subsided to one every few hours. More to come...

With infinite grace,

xo, Ella

First Published Nov 8, 2017)



Having navigated 131 countries, 87 emotions, 46.5 traumas, and 16 careers, Ellany Lea inspires and guides phoenixes, overachievers, entrepreneurs and wayshowers to live fierce, fulfilled and free.