Dear Fear • Two Love Letters to Clients on How to Approach Fears (Part 1)
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Dear Fear • Two Love Letters to Clients on How to Approach Fears (Part 1)
Dear Fear • Two Love Letters to Clients on How to Approach Fears (Part 2)
October and November are high season her. We, as driven overachievers, passionate creators, and brave leaders, realize that end of year is approaching and want to grow beyond our own limitation(s), fill our lives with meaning and purpose, and transition into a new year with ease, joy and grace. No more brutally lynching ourselves to produce as if we were grungy industrial machinery.
Instead, we're choosing sustainable success! We're choosing:
- what we love over what "they" think,
- what we want over what "they" say, and
- what we need over what "they" expect.
This season is perhaps extra significant because we're nearing the end of a decade. To bring you solace in this transition, I'm sharing two letters I wrote to clients, in response to the F-E-A-R that reared up the moment before clicking "Confirm Purchase" for my 1:1 Coaching Program.
Email To Ellany
I wanted to reach out to you again. I have talked to a handful of people and I am feeling like you would be the best fit for me at this point. I want to tell you that I am so scared. Spending almost $x,xxx freaks me out... what if I spend this money and still don't make much more by the end? I know I'm tired of being stuck, but I don't want to dig the hole deeper.
I just wanted to share my huge fear in hopes that you can alleviate a little of it before I commit.
Thank you for listening!
Soul Sister O
Love letter to SoulSister O
Dear Soulsister O,
What a delight to hear that you’ve done your homework/research! That’s a REALLY good sign. And it’ll be an honor to guide you through the maze of entrepreneurship / freedompreneurship, fears and all.
If you’ll allow me to share some insights and truths (I value being thorough):
1. I hear your fear, I really do. Thank you for being real, raw and open about this. There is nothing more frightening and that can bring grownass, badass men and women to their knees than money-related fears or “failures.” What you’re feeling is valid and true... and normal, and human. I’ve been there. Everyone who has decided to create something of service or impact for others has been there. My former client Soul Sister J, who started exactly this time in Nov of last year, had the VERY SAME fears. And we worked through them, with grace, to develop her own signature program and a teaching position found her! It’s not what she expected, but it was surreal to be lead to what was meant for her at that time.
2. Let’s call that fear you're feeling Madame Terror, who is rallying troops of saboteurs (<-- plural), insecurities foot soldiers, self-doubt army tanks and the “9 faces of fear“ machine guns. They are all pointed at this daring dream of yours and ready to fire. This is what the ego-mind is supposed to do, to protect you, to keep you safe. And... that army isn’t real. It’s a natrual mechanism of the homo sapien mind to paint doomsday and project it into the future as reality, to stop us from leaving our comfort zone. If you can embrace this truth, you’ll do great, you’ll be great.
3. I’d also like to name that feeling of “financial hemorrhage” that someone at your stage of biz development may be feeling. Training was $5,000 or so, licensing another $5,000, and now biz development coaching / mentoring, another $x,xxx, yikes! It can feel like a loss, rather than an investment. It can feel like a sacrifice, rather than a reward of immense potential. This may be playing into your fears and it helps to name it. And... know that no sustainably successful business was ever built on zero financial investment.
4. Here’s another practical discernment: training/licensing makes you skilled at your work and is often done in the safety and shelter of your training school. But it doesn't necessarily make you skilled at developing and marketing your work. This is where business mentoring/coaching comes in: to guide you to become skilled at conducting a little (or big) orchestra, consisting of your business assistant or director (if/when you hire one), products / services / programs, systems & procedures, cash flow, marketing channels (which you can do yourself or outsource), brand and core message, technology apps, etc. They are all living breathing entities, and all this, out in the real world! I encourage you to go for it, out in the real world, and really find out what you’re made of. (Note: This is where the ego-mind would jump in and ask, “What if I find out that I’m made of crap?” LOL! Soul Sister O, from the little time I’ve know you and the glimpses into your soul, I assure you that is NOT possible.)
5. I don’t name all the above to overwhelm or scare you. My role is to prepare you. Piece by piece, step by step, peace by peace, with deep breaths... and laughter... and creativity... and grace, in between. Raising a business is like raising a child, everyone loves the sex part, but not everyone has the courage, stamina or resiliency to raise the kid. LOL! it takes upfront investment and faith, not without exactly what you’re gonna get. But if you show up, do your best, with your whole heart, you’ll be sooo delighted and proud of yourself and the outcome!
6. If you can raise children, you can raise a business. If you can make it through graduate school or MBA, you can raise a business. If you can make it through life and still be reaching out to me for support and guidance, you can raise a business. And remember, no one is asking you to build what Oprah or Richard Branson built, they are them, you be you.
7. Hehehe, as you can see, I like to be thorough with the ladies I work with. Ethically, I cannot promise you a numbered outcome. I cannot say: if you invest $5,000, you’ll make $90,000 within 90 days, rah rah rah! Or six-figures in six weeks, ooh aah ooh! LOL! That’s just false advertisement. What I can say is: you’ll make as much (or as little) as YOU are willing to make. And with 7+ years of doing this, I can tell you for sure that willingness comes from the trio of:
- courage (dare to do the things that feel aligned even if scary),
- stamina (decisive determination and persistence), and
- resilience (rising strong after a fall or disappointment).
8. Lastly, if you truly believe that you won’t make any money, not even make your $x,xxx investment back, that’s EXACTLY what will happen. The mind is powerful! Good news is, we can orient that mind toward creative pursuits, rather than destructive pursuits.
There’s a sweet little ritual I do with some clients, which is to meet on Zoom, hold their hand while they click the “Confirm Purchase” button, while I sip a cup of tea and toast to their new embarkation on the path of grace. I know you’re perfectly capable of filling out a form, AND there’s a powerful allowing and transformation that begins to unfold when you let others hold you in ways you haven’t been held before.
I’d like to chat about point #7 before you enroll. It’s important that we get clear if you’re getting in to win or getting in to not lose (or heck, getting in ready to lose).
SoulSister O's Response
Thank you so very much! I fell asleep last night after reading your response and honestly, I felt at peace knowing that I am committed to making this happen and feeling like I have support from you along the way.
You hit all the key points around my fears and what it’s going to take. Determination and resiliency are two of my greatest values. If you have any time tomorrow, I would love to get this started. I AM READY!
Thank you so much! I am excited.
With infinite grace,
(First Published Nov 13, 2019)