love-letter 2

Dear Fear • Two Love Letters to Clients on How to Approach Fears (Part 2)

In this series...
Dear Fear • Two Love Letters to Clients on How to Approach Fears (Part 1)
Dear Fear • Two Love Letters to Clients on How to Approach Fears (Part 2)

As we near the end of this tumultuous decade, and as we choose what we love over what "they" think, what we want over what "they" say, and what we need over what "they" expect, fears are bound to emerge. To bring you comfort and solace, here's another letter I wrote to a client, in response to the F-E-A-R that arises when you're about to invest in your new self!

Email To Ellany

Hey Ellany,

I really enjoyed our call. I can tell you're a great coach and I think working with you would be helpful.

And yet, as soon as I got off the phone I was overcome by an intense feeling of regret and I'm worried I'm moving way too fast. And now I have guilt for feeling worried about moving too fast when this is exactly what I ask of my own clients! Is this normal?  

Should I be taking more time?  Or is this is something to push through. Ugh - I usually feel more confident. Interested in your feedback when you have a moment.

Thanks kindly for your time,

Soul Sister R

Love letter to SoulSister R

Dear Soulsister R,

1. So proud of you for reaching out, right away! IMMEDIATELY, instead of mulling over (and over and over and over) and driving yourself insane. 

2. This is a VERY normal feeling, a very human feeling. I know, as overachievers, we don't like to be "normal" (or even human for that matter lol!). What's happening here is that your new self is clashing with your old self, and everyone is looking at You (the soul) on whether or not that clash will turn into World War IV or not. New self is ready for big change, has faith in her own courage, and (like you said in your Breakthrough Form) has no time to waste. Old self is worried she'll have to grow up, frightened that she'll lose her people (ie the people who validated that she was small and couldn't make it), and is shook up by the big courage (which she doesn't even know she has). [Joe Dispenza's book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself speaks to this clash very elegantly, as an additional resource for you.]

3. As a powerful leader and creator, the only way you'll gain true respect, ie respect for yourself from yourself (not from any external validator) is to walk your talk, practice what you preach. If you ask that courage of your own clients, you must be it too. You must be it first. And yes, it's sticky and messy and achy and even searingly painful. The good news is: you only need to do it once, in this time and this place, and you'll forever be transformed.

4. Self-compassion my darling, have self-compassion. This is a big leap of faith, it will rumble your ego mind to its core. I will rumble that survival brain and old self. And from the one conversation we've had, I already know that you know that courage is contagious. If you need me to pop on Zoom for 15min with you to hold your hand during enrollment, it would delight me to do so. It's a little ritual I have with my ladies. I always bring yummy tea to the call :)

5. No matter how "grown ass woman" we are, there's still a terrified little girl inside and these fears arise to awaken us that it's time to be the parent we never had, it's time to show that little girl that we're gonna do this together. We gonna go as fast as the slowest part of us allows (my dear friend Karen taught me this). And we're gonna reassure her that no one gets left behind. We're going to bring her along, tend to her, love her until she maturates and merges entirely with us. Make sense?

SoulSister R's Response

Hey there,

Thank you.  I needed that.  It's like something pent-up just wanted to be released and I panicked/bawled it out for a few minutes. Then got your email and now all is settling back in. We're holding hands in vibe-land! Going to register now!

Thank you!

Soulsister R

Live fierce, live free.

xo, Ella

(First Published Nov 20, 2019)



Having navigated 131 countries, 87 emotions, 46.5 traumas, and 16 careers, Ellany Lea inspires and guides phoenixes, overachievers, entrepreneurs and wayshowers to live fierce, fulfilled and free.