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Have you ever drowned in sorrow? I bet you have. I bet you’ve ugly cried and hid under your blankets for weeks (maybe even months or years) because of unimaginable heartbreak, grief or loss.

This blog isn’t about that. It’s about awe. Let's put aside all the soul-burning and capacity-testing shit that Life throws us for a while and focus on enchantment... delight... wonderment!

Neurologically, the brain scores negative to positive thoughts/emotions 3:1. This means for every negative thought, emotion, or memory, it takes three positive ones to bring our state to neutral (and for some, it takes more than 3), between surviving and thriving.

But who wants neutral? As a globetrotting overachieving woman freedompreneur, you want the extraordinary, the "wow my pants off" kind of experiences that leave you enchanted in a puddle of your own tears of joy.

So to wash away all the grief and loss I've known, I decided to dig deep and remember all the times I felt awed. We can't outrun grief or loss, but we sure can outnumber and cleanse it with awe. Let's dive right in and explore how awe feeds a freedompreneur's success.

Awe (n.)
Moment of grace, synchrodestiny, enchantment, oneness, and pure ease.


Awe Story no. 1 • The Surrender Bench

I once lay on a bench at Westerbeke Ranch (during one of my Leadership retreats) where my body suddenly started convulsing in big waves of agony. Before I had a chance to ask myself what was going on, I heard a succinct voice say, “I can’t do this anymore.” [By “anymore” I meant hold up the sky and be everything to everyone, every single second of every single day, while alchemizing the rage, grief and darkness of the entire planet all at the same time.] "I need help," it continued after waves and waves of convulsions and grief and snot and tears.

Within 20 seconds, Monna (my leadership tribemate) walked over, placed my head in her lap, and lovingly stroked my hair, as I sobbed in plentiful agony. I remember thinking, “Wow, that was fast! You do get what you ask for..." as I continued to sob. I mean, what were the chances that Monna was right there and could hear my silent plea?

I continued to sob in agony for weeks, not knowing precisely why. It was about four months later, at the completion of the following retreat, during our final acknowledgement circle that it hit me: that agony was the crumbling of the titanium walls around my heart... so that their love could enter.

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.
– Leonard Cohen

In my case, there was not a single crack in my heart, it sealed shut at 3 years old. So no love could enter or has entered in 28 years.  😭 😭 😭

You can't build a successful business you love if your heart is walled against love. No amount of lead magnets, funnels or social media ads will bring you money if your heart is sealed from love. What were the chances that a bench and a soul sister would unlock my heart, and therefore my magnetism to prosperity?


Awe Story no. 2 • The Ropes Bolt

During another leadership retreat, I was on a ropes course with D and blacked out while I held the ropes for her to climb on top of me as a stepladder. It was a struggle to get the two of us up there. Though we didn’t make it very far up, it was a rich overcoming for my hyperachiever saboteur to experience the joy of not succeeding at the task, for the sake of being with my tribemate and meeting her at her level. It completely recalibrated my insides to put the power of relationship (matriarchal way) over the single-focused need to reach the top (patriarchal way).

The facilitators slowly lowered our harnesses down. And when my feet touch the earth, I was struck by a lightning bolt of truth, I matter." I froze, "What the heck was that?!?" Then I dropped to my knees, "Have I not mattered for 30+ years?!?" Then I sobbed enough tears to water that entire Californian ranch for 2 years.

I never, ever knew that I mattered before this very moment. Never. I never had an experience of mattering, never knew what it felt like until that moment. Who knew that “failing” at a ropes course (we didn’t get to the top) would strike into me the truth that I mattered. ⚡️

If you don't know, in depth and breadth, from the inside out, through and through, with your mind, body, heart and spirit (see: 4 Levels of Knowing) that you matter, how in the world will you create successful and high-ticket programs, talks, workshops, products and revolutions that matter? What were the chances of this unfolding?!?


Awe Story no. 3 • The Fields of Gold

When I met up with Tracy, a fellow CTI Leadership grad and digital nomad, in Bali, she raved about a local healer. I thought he’d look like Kutut in the movie "Eat, Pray, Love," but he turned out to be a tall white guy from my hometown of Vancouver, Canada!

He combined deep tissue massage, using the body to answer coaching questions, and identifying the lie/blockage. After an arduous 3 hour session where I lost all sensation registry (ie my entire body was pins and needles), I cried an entirely new kind of tears. Tears I’d never cried before… tears of gold (the song Fields of Gold was playing in the background)… tears of... joy!

I never experienced or recognised joy before that moment. Maybe that full body tingling served as a full system reboot of my neurological pathways from duty/grief/duty/terror/duty/agony to joy. This joy was so pure. And so foreign.

Who knew that a random encounter with a new friend would fling open gateways to joy, one of the highest vibrations after peace. What were the chances?!?

Laughter is carbonated holiness.
Joy is the best makeup.
– Anne Lamott

Joy is one of the most magnetic powers on the planet. As a freedompreneur, do you want to attract clients/customers through force (aka blood, sweat and tears) or do you want to attract them through joy and carbonated holiness?


Awe Story no. 4 • Bye Bye Narcissist

I met Andi at sewing club after I moved halfway around the world for a boy. She and I quickly became friends. One night, she invited us to dinner at her house for a double-date. Next day, she called to say that she needed to tell me something, but was concerned that she may lose our friendship over it. I invited her to speak freely.

She said that during pillow talk with her hubby, he noted how every time he asked about "your guys' future plans" (plural your), the boy always answered with “me, myself and I.” Hubby asked the boy about career, future, hobbies, marriage, kids, travels, "me, myself and I." was always the answer.

Deep down, I knew. (It'd be years and years and years before I'd stumble upon the term narcissist, which is what the boy was. And another few years before I'd learn about the classic narcissist-empath trap during my research on attachment styles).

I thanked her profusely, hung up the phone and saw my future flash before my eyes like a speeding film strip: divorced by 30, single mom raising him and a kid that I didn’t really want, but had because he wanted one. In retrospect, that film strip was my first moment of awakening. I packed my bags and left within 5 days, head held high, with a suitcase of dignity in each hand. Enough dignity to over-compensate for all of womankind who was robbed of hers.

Who knew that sewing club would lead to spiritual awakening and the first emergence of self-respect? That sequence of events, what were the chances?!?

Without self-respect, you'll never set titanium boundaries in business and personal life. You won't charge what you're worth. You won't give yourself permission to have plenty of time off and money and pleasure and authentic belonging and adventure and vibrant health. You just won't. Self-respect is not listed as the "Top Ten Keys to Business Success" by patriarchy. Well, I'm listing it!

(Andi and I never met again, we spoke once on the phone years later because I tracked her down and needed to thank her for helping me dodge a bullet. The most epic dodge in the history of all my lives. She had fulfilled her sacred contract in my life. 🤯)

Keep Going, Don't Stop Awe

I've got about 53 more stories on "what were the chances?!?" moments that unlocked the key to my success, happiness and freedom.

More stories next week ♥︎



💎  Reclaimed the use of awe to feed entrepreneurial success

💎  Reclaimed the power of surrender as a gateway to love

💎  Reclaimed full permission to ask for help

💎  Reclaimed my heart opening and ability to receive love

💎  Reclaimed the sweetness of being overachieving (die hyper-achiever, die!)

💎  Reclaimed the matriarchal way of leadership (die patriarchy, die!)

💎 Reclaimed the truth that I matter

💎  Reclaimed access to joy and carbonated holiness

💎  Reclaimed the remembrance that angels exist on earth

💎  Reclaimed my clairvoyance

💎  Reclaimed my first spiritual awakening

💎 Reclaimed my dignity and self-respect


With infinite grace,

xo, Ella

Women who are free will set the world free

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Ellany LeaAUTHOR • When Ellany said yes to freedompreneurship, she had no idea it'd turn into a spiritual quest of reclaiming the 1,000 pieces of her soul.