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I adore that my besties are checking in on me with "You're not putting gargantuan pressure on yourself to be hyper-productive during a pandemic, are you?" They know me so well lol! No, I'm not, I'm actually taking long leisurely walks down memory lane, converging 6-10 older blogs, power points, journals and notes into one fresh, captured snapshot of how the heck I'm still alive 

This healing and joyful process has helped me see that I keep writing about the exact same things, just with less fear and more fierce, each time. So if you're in the process of building content creation consistency, have faith that you're not going in circles, you're going in a big beautiful spiral. You may have no idea or a fairly clear idea of what your "theme buckets" are. It's only by starting AND by continuing that you'll converge and know for sure.

What are your besties checking in on you with? Are they asking "You're not blocking yourself from having a full-blown meltdown to appear perfect, are you?" Or perhaps "You're not punishing yourself with overwhelm, impossible to-do lists, endless research or unfinished e-courses, are you?

Here's what my memory lane reflections have shown me:

 

Last year, I re-watched ET, The Extraterrestrial. There was a scene where ET was returning home in his spaceship, and little Elliot stood in the forest, sobbing with his arms reached up toward the lit sky. "Don't go! Don't leave me here! Take me with you!" he sobbed. All my cells froze, trembled like pebbles before an earthquake, then scattered like an atomic bomb of grief. Those words. Those very words. I felt them since I was 3. I only found them at 37. Daaaaaang...

I am so over the patriarchal conditioning of: be sweet, be nice, smile like a robot at all times, shut up and be grateful for what you have. I am grateful AND I speak about the inevitable, prolonged suffering that being human on Earth can cause on a soul.

I know my inner gang have suffered, the team of inner: empath HSP (highly sensitive person), victim, mystic, martyr, unsafe child, abandoned child, introvert, hermit, hyper-inflator, too-much child, not-enough teen. Oy. So tiring managing them, so exhausting being them. And yet, what alternative do we have if we want to be truly fulfilled and free?

Do you have an inner gang or inner part that also feels like it got dumped on this shitty rock to be pounded by tests after unrelenting tests, with only short reprieves of suffering and tiny reprieves of joy in between?

If so, write to me about that part or gang. I'll reply with some comfort, hope and likely a silly video!

With infinite grace,

xo, Ella

Women who are free will set the world free

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Ellany LeaAUTHOR • When Ellany said yes to freedompreneurship, she had no idea it'd turn into a spiritual quest of reclaiming the 1,000 pieces of her soul.